Goodbyes and Embraces

I haven’t blogged in a long time. But I guess that isn’t too surprising. Lately I’ve been on a weird emotional roller coaster in response to blogging..sometimes I have absolutely nothing to say and sometimes I have too many thoughts to put into a logical order. Today I am going to focus on one thought.

First, I’ve realized I don’t do well with goodbyes. While I was ecstatic to leave JC Penney earlier this year, I was also very sad to leave the people I had been friends with for those two and a half years. In March I spent two solid weeks in training with people from all over the country. I was blue when I had to watch them get on their separate planes, most likely never to see them in person again. Then, last week, my cubicle neighbor moved away. He is still with the company but working in a different department. I was in a weird, somber mood that day.

I grew attached to these people in very similar ways. In most cases, they didn’t know a lot about me and I didn’t know a lot about them. But I felt connected. It was hard for me to say goodbye and not know when I would have the chance to see them again (if ever). Some people might think these emotions are useless, especially since most of the people I was sad to lose were simply acquaintances. I tried to rationalize that to myself with no avail. I would much rather stay in contact with someone, however far removed, than the easier choice of forgetting them and moving on.

Then I realized something else about myself. I recognize that one of my top love languages is physical touch. I love hugs, leg taps, high fives, walking arm-in-arm, and especially love when someone plays with my hair. Yet I have a hard time initiating physical touch. In every one of those circumstances when I had to say goodbye, I wanted so badly to give each person a hug of farewell but couldn’t force myself into it. I have seen so many awkward situations where someone initiates a hug and the receiver doesn’t reciprocate. That’s not worth it. But it also sucks when all I want to do is hug someone goodbye and have to walk away with a fist bump or a wimpy verbal send-off.

So, as an FYI, if you’d like, I will always accept a hug. Always.